Today I had an appointment so sit at 7.30 am.
My alarm clock waked me up roughly.
It was raining. I was tired. I went to the toilet.
Took my cushion. Wanted to walk to my housemates room. Turned around, dropped the cushion, went back to bed and slept.
It was the second time this week I decided NOT to do something. Tuesday evening I had a party in a city one hour away. I biked to the station. Bought a salad to eat in the train. On the platform I turned around and walked back to my bike and went home and to bed early.
I always teach my students to also write about the backside of things.
Write what you remember, but also what you do not remember. "I remember it was hot last summer and that I swam a lot, I do not remember if I did this naked."
Natalie Goldberg says in her book Wild Mind: 'Sometimes we write along one highway of "I remember" seat-belt ourselves in and drive. Using the negative, 'I don't remember' allows us to make a U-turn and see how things look in the night. What are the things you don't care remember, have repressed, but remember underneath all the same?'
So here I was. Racing on my highway of commitments. Stopping. Making an U-turn. Seeing the other side. The other side of meditation is sleep. The other side of a party is rest.
I rested in the shadow side. It was the same road. I just took a different direction.